Harbor no grudge

We’ve all held a grudge. Honestly, we have and still hold many. Being piqued over life’s usual conflicts is common. Some become quickly resolved. Too often, though, we lose sight of others settling into the sludge of life. A few, however, remain part of our everyday walks for no reason other than choice.

Bringing other grudges to closure can take years of wandering through the fallout from all those disputes. We, also, keep the shelves of life well stocked with those unresolved quarrels. Most become lost in the fray of the many. Too few put time and effort into sorting things back out and settling the dust. Doing so could, itself, create deep discomfort.

Wrapping ourselves in the melee of life blinds us to what we really want. Without conscious intention, we discover in the fray paths back toward one another. Life just feels too jinxed with hardships and with that we hold to our umbrage. True stumbling blocks in life are those that keep us blinded to ourselves.

(to be continued….)


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family, psychology, psychotherapy, Social


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  1. My wife once told me that the tricky thing about forgiveness (particularly in the expunging of grudges) is that we mistakenly attribute an “event” to what is actually a “disposition.” Put more simply, we don’t merely bury the hatchet, we continually set down any hatchet we find in our hands.

    Forgiveness (and the end of grudges) happens again and again, sometimes often in a single day, or each morning, or each season which brings to remembrance the grievances we have sought to transcend. It is this process that is actually salvific (not the momentary invocation of absolution).

  2. David Felker 11/08/2010 — 4:32 pm

    My past work taught me to see forgiveness as an ongoing struggle. It isn’t really with those others we are supposedly forgiving but with ourselves. Forgiveness keeps pushing us further and deeper than we are capable of imagining.

    For instance, the girl my son, supposedly, took his life over, came to me with her father and I forgave her. While holding her I could look her father in his eyes trying to let him know that I’m serious. This, David, has driven me further and deep than I ever imagined and I doubt that this is done!

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