So many times, I sat through groups, family and couple sessions wading through mutual rebuttals. Up until this past decade, I, like most of my peers, assumed we are joined at the hips in refusing to see the other. That was and still is true but doesn’t explain the whole picture. No matter how well lived the life of any client was, like myself, we pay exorbitant attention to how the other see us.

Tête-à-têtes with peers, typically, didn’t bring up questions of our projections onto our clientele. Since loosing that way of life my perspective has changed. A guy in one of my domestic violence groups brought the problem out of my own closet. Occasionally, he would stick around after everyone else had left. His then trying to help me catch sight of others ‘shit’ set a new stage for me. While he was pretty well on target  his actions, also, drew my attention more securely onto him. My irregular chats with the practice’s clinical supervisor helped me see catch sight of that problem within myself. How he asked me to, casually, keep an eye on the possibility of dealing with a gerrymander began fleshing out a new stage in my life.

Rigging my thoughts with such an introverted insight, slowly fostered another question? Over time, it surfaced in a young therapist’s mind that conversations about someone could be a superb distraction. I hadn’t yet caught scent of my own use of that guy’s intent till that supervisor highlighted it.

How many times had my now ex-wife, my own psychologist, neurologists and neurosurgeon been distracted from me by my hitting the nail on the head? But then, I’d be off the mark if I didn’t wonder the same thing toward them? Our universally practicing hiding ourselves from both others and functionally from ourselves is true.

Now thirteen years after doing any fashion of psychotherapy, or emergency interventions I have found myself wading through what I had only stuck my toes into across years past. Not only do other people use their ‘shit’ to distract us from themselves I know our shared use of things to distract others from ourselves. A deeper confusion rests in how fundamental the lied self is to how I see me!


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family, friends, hesychastic, psychology, psychotherapy, Social

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